Shouting to the void

:::

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 21:19:51 GMT

I had all these insightful things to say, once again.

And yet all I can think of is:

"Yeah I missed you since the place got wrecked
By the winds of change and the weeds of sex
looks like freedom but it feels like death
it's something in between, I guess
it's closing time"

and

you can't quit until you try

...Well, it's something I guess.

:::

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 06:41:52 GMT

np. Tonight Will Be Fine

All sense of freedom gone

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 06:18:25 GMT

Give me 69 years,
Another season in this hell.
It's all sex and death as far as I can tell.

Dum di dum

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 15:43:57 GMT

It’s one of those days when I just feel like screaming by midday, running towards the hills and throwing my clothes off while I run.

Who says sunlight is good for you?

I’ve been having daily headaches for a few weeks now. I’m not sure whether to blame a brain tumour, the computer (and me sitting in front of it bent in two) or am I just driven to baby migranes by work.

Speaking of which I decided to start saving. The current job contract lasts until next autumn but with this amount of enthusiasm I might as well count on having a very long holiday after August…

Sister dear came through town and managed to break her phone. Apparently phones brake if you decide not to pay the bills. Of course it was an Orange Phone TM so we had to get a new phone and a new sim card for her. I cost so little I was wondering if I should do the same myself.

I remember going to the phone shop to get my puk-code (mysteriously I forgot my pin while in Estonia being recreational. And hey, I did go to a museum.) and the perky phone dealer held my phone between two fingers like a smelly rag. “It’s not the code, it must be the phone”

Really, I just got it like five years ago.

I started my spring hobby. Creative writing yet again. I miss mr. I’s yelling and arm-waiving sooo much. I do understand constructive criticism as such, but the “ohh, I liked it and thought it was fine” don’t really count as being criticism at all. I’d like to know what people liked and disliked. Not hear the same ‘goodygood and funfun’ lines from my text and then someone else’s that I thought sucked a big hole in the universe.

I’m not saying I’m actually good and other people aren’t. More rather that I’d like to be less crap maybe a bit more than most other people in the group.

Oh well. I get to write something that isn’t work related and be all artsy a few hours per week.

Or something.

Oh blah, I’m so full of customer service right now.

Luckily after work it is picking up tickets for Sweeny Todd and having a pint with I. in the local. Well, her local, my someday-I’ll-live-next-door-local.

Yapp, time to pick up the axe and service some customers.

Sunshine.

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 10:44:08 GMT

It was quite nice, getting to work in the morning.

The sky was orange in that crisp-frosty-morning-way and I had my gigantic sweater on and the headphones serve as brilliant ear muffs.

I spent most of the morning spraying everything I saw with anti-static cleaning foam.

My day was also brightened up considerably when the slightly manic Brit who keeps talking to his kid in the trolley non-stop (“Mr Bobo, lets go and see the books over there”) came along.

I thought I scared him off when I gave him a spit-flying rant about English children’s books.

Dunno why on earth I want to kill less often annoying kiddies that speak something else than Finnish. Or cute annoying asian kiddies that do speak Finnish. Strange.

Today I’m going for a pint with sweetie.

‘Tis be good.

Strange mornings

Fri, 04 Jan 2008 09:27:49 GMT

There's not a worse way to start the day than have several tubes of blood sucked out of you.

Then again the Flogging Molly on my brand new, shiny, black mp3 player made me cheery.
The fact I just promised to work on a Saturday then again didn’t.

Win some, loose some.

There are thoughts constantly humming through my head.
I should probably pick up a pen and paper. It makes me irritable, having to think all the time.
Maybe on paper they wouldn’t bother me.

Maybe I could write them down and burn them.

Lethargic about life.

Thu, 10 May 2007 08:45:53 GMT

It's not like I have a life and therefore stopped posting here.
I just got lethargic about not having one.
Quite a new level of existing.

Writing an introduction/review sorta thing about a writer.
Nothing I put down seems witty, interesting or, well, comprehensible.
I doesn't have to be too long, but I've been writhing with it for a week now blowing off all levels of social life.
Last weekend I was supposed to meet ms I. after a long while.
Instead I decided to have four pints and some wine the night before and spend the entire day hugging the porcelain god.
This, I think, reflects on my life as well as the attempt of actually having one.

I have this image in my head about a middle aged woman, chubby, some root growth in the grey-black hair dye, sitting at the office coffee table and telling the same stories over and over.
(All four of them “When I was there and there 30 years ago and did this and that.”) And when she stops, she will start with telling what is wrong with her life.
And she goes home, defeated, and sits by the telly and not a single fresh though goes though her mind.

Dramatic? Yes.
Presumably happening if I feel like this the next 20 years? Yes.

Next week to visit lion-sized cats and hopefully seeing People.
Thursday and Friday off. Tell me if you want to play.

Swoop.

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 17:25:58 GMT

It's a strange thing.

I've those yummy kinds of canned tomatoes, some cheese and a beer and it makes a hellish day just swoop away into the distance.

Of course a bathtub is missing but hey.

Honestly, I'm starting to relate to people worse off in the fine world of customer service.
I'm tempted to smuggle some booze to the sad looking cashier at the local supermarket everytime I go throuhh there.

People are such arses sometimes.

Food. Bad tv. Bliss.

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 18:13:54 GMT

it's just me and the rain.

i found song lyrics that i want to show someone insted of talking.
how cheesy is that, then?

apple pie time soon.
red wine tomorrow, hopefully. and somewhere warm to sleep.

legs are all wobbly still from the flu.
kinda miss humanity as it is. five days alone with my head (and an unwanted one) is no good. no good at all.

started writing again this thing.
it seems more promsing than most things i've done in a while.
even so, i dislike my words these days.

maybe red wine will help.

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 07:59:40 GMT

umh.

say hi to auntie librarian.

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 12:10:31 GMT

my hair smells like pee.

Cracking under the weight

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 18:20:02 GMT

It’s gone so utterly straight to hell for a while now.
And then, on the other hand there has been good bits.
Small, utterly good bits.

Still.
Enough is enough.

…I’ve a constipation of words.
And coco powder on my nose.

erm. hi.

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 16:47:36 GMT

i know i've been hiding under a rock.

trying to get back to the land of the living. i've heard it's healthy to actually speak to your friends sometimes.
so feel free to kick my arse and drag me out.

what else?
um.
pirates II is coming out. lets get 500 people and go all together and go "yarrrrrr" everytime they mention rum?

Revelations part 894,7

Sun, 18 Jun 2006 15:30:53 GMT

Baldur's Gate is addictive, raw onions in excessive doses are lethal and I'm quitting drinking for a while (which, in this case, means for more than 24 hours) and my phone is on again. Maybe I'll even phone few of the people who have tried to get a hold of me for a week.

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 11:22:10 GMT

Have to make some coffee to wash this full taste away.

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 05:09:59 GMT

The new full taste of coke tastes more like Fairy.
Y’know the green bubbly one. Yargh.

I watched a really bad film yesterday that had as a climax point weird trout-children-ghosts.
Teaches me to rent thing according to the cover.

Library time today. They’re probably going to tell me how I owe 87568 billion to the city, again.
Library cards are pure evil.
Four essays to go. Someone remind me why studying is a good thing.

Oh yeah, effectively homeless starting tomorrow.
Sofas and cupboard corners very welcome.

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 21:48:25 GMT

yapp. a shovel would be nice.
it might be just a wee bit difficult to bury myself in the hole.

anyone lend a hand?

Sun, 28 May 2006 02:27:49 GMT

Oh fuck fucking FUCK.

...thankyoucomeagain.

And the book says, "We may be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us."

Wed, 24 May 2006 08:17:47 GMT

I'm unfit for human communication.

...I've more or less turned into an überbitch from hell. Things come out of my mouth that may be true, but saying them in given situations is just plain wicked.
In that nasty sort of way.

L. cut my hair for me and I'm about to dye it with an obscure colour again.
And probably die of an allergic reaction.

Need to clean the flat. Sweet Ms. M. is coming tomorrow, hopefully with my brand new wee notebook.
Have you ever had the feeling that some notebooks just expire? Even in the middle.
It's just not possible to write or draw anything on them.
Except maybe shopping lists and little budgets how much you can afford to eat in the next month.

I need to see the sea today.

I've got a bottle of wine, S. is coming over and there's also ice cream.
This is all good.
I need to wash the 500 billion dishes.
This is not.

...
Hairdye, naked boogie across the flat to bad music and dishwashing to follow.

Thu, 18 May 2006 12:10:56 GMT

that's it, then.

and yes, drank too much wine, harassed a playwright, witnessed a skinhead getting my friend beaten, got a sugardaddy and took down my posters.

(...also talked a lot about beastiality with small animals in the last workshop)

Ready to go.

Clickety click.

Tue, 16 May 2006 11:01:22 GMT

There was this person and I though he just doesn't like me since every time we spoke, he sorta dissolved somewhere.

Turns out he's been going through same sorta things and we had a very giggly lunch conversation and I really, really like him.
You know, that clickety click sound when you get along with someone.

...I really like the clickety click sound.
Makes me feel less transparent.

The thing is, I do this now.
I've had a whole fucking year to integrate (well, sounds a bit "you, citizen" type of thing) or maybe just find the cool people to have around and I do it in the final three days.
Well, I shouldn't be suprised.
It's my life, I should be quite aware of all the idiotic things I do.

Finally reading Catcher in the Rye.
"I thought what I'd do was, I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes. That way I wouldn't have to have any goddamn stupid useless conversations with anybody."

I also found Ronja Rövardotter on dvd.
It's brilliant! Would be more brilliant if the swedish sountrack would have some other subtitles than in swedish, but hey, if you stop trying to listen you understand quite a bit.
At least I like to think I do.

Washing my sheets for the final time.
Woo.
(here, i mean)

interesting.

Mon, 15 May 2006 11:04:31 GMT

I've been thinking that there are a whole lot of people that don't seem to have anything to say.

Today I realised that they just don't have anything to say to me.
Wonder what I should make of that.

Sun, 14 May 2006 09:45:16 GMT

how can you be a bridge to the dark side if you're afraid of it?

ohh mama

Sat, 13 May 2006 15:55:33 GMT

Viggo Mortensen can have me any day of the week.
Seriously.

...the film kinda stopped in the middle.
But who cares, I've seen Viggo's assmeat.

"trust the process"

Sat, 13 May 2006 11:57:13 GMT

i did my first ever murderer! this is cause for celebration!